Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Day One: Call Me Ishmael/The Explanation

Hello everyone. Let me preface this post by saying that this is not a sports blog. Not in any way. The primary objective of this blog is closely tied to the sports world, but you will find absolutely no opinions or relevant sports information here. This blog is about a goal. A glorious goal. A seemingly impossible goal. This blog is about me trying each and every day, once per day, to become the author of one of ESPN.com's "featured comments".

If you didn't know this already, quite some time ago ESPN.com made it possible for readers to to comment on their articles (Even Bill Simmons! Oh, wait, nevermind), blog-style. Shortly thereafter, they started posting a "featured comment", a comment on the front page of the website by some random commenter. Shortly after this, deadspin.com noticed the blandness of the featured comments and started posting one per day on their front page. (Most Recent: "The Wings seemed to toy with Dallas and then ... dominate in the last period. Bring on Pitt." ) Really racy stuff, huh?

After reading enough of these comments to find Rita Rudner offensive, I think I've got their system figured out. Find one of the top three stories, get there early, and either make the most general comment possible agreeing with the article, or throw in some kind of G-rated smack talk. (I.E. : "Bring on Pitt")

It is time to start the quest. I've been walking around work all day saying stuff like "The Pistons certainly showed the Magic who the best team was" and "Looks like it's finally catching up to Bonds". I have never been more ready.

Today Is Day One
(First Attempt Below)


RE: Daily Dime: Hornets one win from advancing

"Looks like the Spurs are down and out"
by
Segrin24



Look for the username Segrin24, coming to the ESPN.com featured comment soon!

21 comments:

StuScottBooyahs said...

Nice first effort, but your comment should never make the slightest attempt at expressing an opinion, let along predicting a series. You should say something more like "It may look like the Spurs are down and out, but they still have Tim Duncan." It's a bland non-statement that is perfect for ESPN featured comment.

PeteJayhawk said...

Your quest is a noble one. Godspeed, sir.

John said...

I think you may achieve your goal. You will have to be sure to submit a comment on a consistent basis though.

Southern Sports Dude said...

yes, although i tend to enjoy the "quasi-predictions that hinge upon something really fucking obvious" - like:

"if the yankees have to play the entire season without a-rod and posada, there's no way they'll win the AL east"

make sure you mix in a few misuses of your/you're, they're/their/there, it's/its, though; this is crucial

drewdat said...

I like this idea. Nice work, hope you make it far.

drewdat said...

And by far, I mean a small, once-amber colored box 2/3 of the way down espn.go.com.

Istvan Szerencse said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Francois Leroux Speedskater said...

I dare say that you might want to change the user name to something that blatantly explains your rooting loyalties. Something along the lines of "SECfanGeauxTigers22."

Just a thought; I still think you'll make it.

Nick said...

This may be dangerous for your sanity. Good luck to you, sir.

D.R. said...

good luck...keep fighting

Hector said...

I hate you for thinking of it first.

Grady said...

Best of luck. This is the most important quest of our time. Or at least the last day or two.

Don't forget blatant homerism and fifth-grade smack talk. Something like, "Kobe goes big again. Utah doesn't have a chance now! LOLZ" -freekobe69

matt said...

gotta change up the screen name occasionally!

Ryan said...

can we start a pool?

if so, i'll take June 23rd (yes, 2008)

HarperWRP said...

There's no way you'll be able to do this, man, Unless you come up with some really great ideas and get a little lucky...

Southern Sports Dude said...

"now that the quest has started....it will not be finished until it is done." - YourNameHere

Wolverine419 said...

I love it.

Best of luck to you.

Howard said...

Oh my god....brilliant...what a brilliant and hilarious idea.

Fastness said...

Maybe it's the beer talking, but LOL. Awesome.

Matthew said...

We at ESPN.com encourage all of you to engage in this specific quest, even if doing so waters down Segrin24's chances.

Paterno Lives! said...

you cannot underestimate the importance of crappy grammar....use a lot of those, and make sure your comment is a fragment.